Wednesday, April 13, 2011

My name is Mommy

Well not really, but it sure does feel like it.  I remember when I used to have a real name.  People used to use it and I liked it.  But now, all I hear is mommy, mom, momma, ma....  It's gotten so bad that when someone uses my actual name, I don't always respond.  I hear it and think hmm...I used to know someone with that name.  And then I realize that it's my name and someone is actually using it to acknowledge me!  Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother.  But, sometimes it feels like that's all I am.  I am no longer ME...or, the me I used to be??  See, I don't even know anymore. 

I'm fairly new to motherhood (my oldest is 2 1/2), so I guess I'm just still trying to adjust to being a mother while still retaining some part of my non-mommy self.  It's a delicate balance that I'm not entirely sure I'll ever master.  I spend my days at home with my kids wishing that I could have more adult time without them.  Then, when I get a night out kid-free, I spend it thinking about and missing my kids.  I guess it's one of those "catch 22" problems!  Oh well!  I love my kids and my life, and I would never want to change any of it.  Someday I'll figure out how to find "me" without losing my mommy-self.  Until then, I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the ride. 

Just don't get frustrated if you call me by my real name and I don't answer!

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